bangkok

i realize ive written very little about bangkok itself. i will now.

im sitting in my living room/ kitchen, the walls are closing in. every massive white square of it, jumping in on my ideas, keeping me inside, staring at my godforsaken Toshiba idiot box, and wondering what the hell im going to do for the next two hours. i havent eaten yet. i go down the hall, turn right, walk a little, turn left, press the down button, wait, get in the elevator, press the close button, press the G button, and get out when the doors release me. i walk past the lobby, to the security guard check center, say hello to 'one eye', the one-eyed security guard who has served as both my protector, and wise and constantly silent father figure since ive been in thailand. i nod, he nods, i feel cool for nodding to a guy with one eye. i walk down the long, tree laden road to the main street ( the only tree-laden road ive found so far in bangkok) and hit the street, with the smell of piss and gasoline flooding my senses, i realize i need to figure out what i want to eat, not like i have a vast assortment of choices, but just like you rotate shirts, i rotate between rice with green or red curry, and chicken fried rice. except i do not wear either of these. i watch the motor taxi drivers as i always do, in their half shirts of bright orange. they sit on the side of the road in groups, always in groups, and play games to pass the time until a brave soul appoches them with a need for a ride, greater than the risk of disturbing their frivolities. there is a girl there, every day, regardless of rain or shine, who is sitting with them. young, pretty, she is not a driver, but rather always has her backpack, and i dont know her reason why she never goes to wherever she calls a home, even by 2 in the morning, but she smiles at me every time i walk by. i smile back at her, and consider it one of the infinite mysteries of bangkok i wont understand in this lifetime. i go the the 'khaw pat kai' lady, which just means chicken fried rice lady, but i dont know her real name, and im too shy to ask her for it, shes far too busy, and im far too hungry. she did her nails again. suprisingly, the street vendors make a fair amount of money compared to many residents of bangkok, and the khaw pat kai lady is the red queen of the bunch, always in her spot, and every week she sports a new set of flashy fingernails. this time theyre blue and silver, and i like them for some reason. her young daughter is there, he job is to take the food, put it in a container, and do the money exchange. i take the food, pay 80 cents, and go back to my room to eat quick, grab my muay thai stuff, and decide to go to thammasat after i realize it will be a boring day unless i entertain myself. i do the same routine, go to the street, once again get hit by the feeling of bangkok, and grab a taxi. "thammasat". " pay nay" (where to?). "thammasat". "pay nay". THAMM-A-SAT". "Pay Nay?!"... by this point i just stare at him. " ooooh tha-ma-sat" says the driver. Its not my Thai that sucks, its your hearing. we speed around bangkok unnecessairially fast, and i feel like im in a chase seen out of a Real TV cop show, but melt in the seat regardless, by this point my heart pumps just as fast, but my body knows there no point in going rigid. we get to the thammasat gate, and i head towards the 'canteen', which is the thammasat cafeteria that holds all the food stalls, most meals are 60 cents -ish, and most of them are remarkably good. i would usually get a yellow indian rice with masala curry, but im an idiot and i already ate. i see a few people i know, but things in the canteen end up taking far too long, so i go straight to the dome building, take a left, get a few bottles of water ( naam song), same thing i say every day to the same lady, by now she laughs every time i ask, and it merely makes me want to go more. every once in a while i get three, but i try to keep her excitement to a minimum. i go left for a while, the open sewer systems make me wish for the time when i can work out and feel good air in my lungs, rather than feeling like im excercising in a concentration camp. i go into the weight room to change, and the rusty weights and broken machiences do remind me quite a bit of an ascheowitz video, so i get out quick, due to an irrational fear of touching any surface which undoubtedly has tetnis and a cocktail of viruses. this is something i challenge every day by drinking out of the brown water tank near the boxing ring. i wont speculate on what will happen to me later because of this. anyways, coach is already working with some thai kids, every hit snapping sound off of each side of the surrounding buildings. all there is to hear is the boxer breathing, coach grunting, and pads snapping. step out of the buidlings out into the soccer field. i like this place. a wide open space with a red track presenting cracks in every inch of it, there are trees here, and you can see the sky. any other time i would be a bit put out with this image, but in bangkok it is a haven which i look forward to every day. i run for a half hour, sit on the benches for a while and burn the time which has been sitting on my forehead all day, and go into the ring. throw on wraps, gloves, go nuts for an hour, and sit, panting, wondering why the coach takes such pleasure out of seeing his students panting and exhausted. he just does his deep, harsh, evil little laugh. coach is quite a little man, going bald, very sturdy and stout. a very intersting person, but with a emotional disposition that is as variable as a bipolar teenager. one second havin fun doing the regular coach thing, watching your hits. next second youre flat on the ground with your head aching, and he is smiling once again saying " hand up", making a lazy gesture with the pad, and saying " walk step walk step" which means go forward in coach talk. maybe ill share a bit of coach slang in case anybody reading this will go to thammasat.
"suh-kai" = me
"may dii" = that sucks, do it again
"may be lai"= just do it again
"harder" = harder
"uuuhhhh" = good job
"walk- step"= keep moving and walk forward
"hit"= punch or kick, hopefully you get it right
"you friend?" = where are all the other white kids who have stopped coming ( he asks regularly)
"tommallow?" = come tommorrow.
"tommallow."= come tommorrow or ill kill you next time.
"man-ganet" = i have no bloody idea, but he still says this to me every time i leave. the only thing i can think hes saying is 'magnet', which needless to say makes no sense. i just smile and walk on and he laughs while i leave. either way im back the next day no matter what, so i think it cant be too bad.

so i leave boxing, go back to my apartment, usually walk the laden street with trash and smoke and filled with schoolkids who have just gotten out of their gestalt-like institutions near thammasat, and they punch and yell and spit and push eachother all the way till the busstop. being a student, i can understand and sympathise with this completely. gotta get it out sometime. i arrive back at the condo, one-eye gives me the gesture of boxing, in which he hunches his shoulders throws his fists around in the air, i say yes and laugh and he laughs and i get in the elevator and go to my room. an hour or so later, thomas or peggy or kenny or julia or takumi or emiko or claire calls, i go out to have dinner, usually along soi rambuttri where there are many white peopel to watch and meet, and good food. we get a chang or singha beer, complain that it tastes like motor oil ( which we do every night), and realize that this happy feeling of being lost but at the same time belonging to a city which has heard infinite stories over the years, will soon be a memory. we stay there longer than we need to, usually play a bit of pool, and then call it a night. i go home, study, maybe watch some animal documentaires in thai, ( though i dont think subtitles are necessary for this, watching a dog or wolf chewing on a deer dosent requite much translation), and go to sleep. matti my roomate comes home a few hours later after partying and meeting another random sleezy guy, and falls asleep as well. this is bangkok for me , and i revel at the fact that of how lucky i am to have the comforts i do, which is so much compared to almost every other person ive seen or mentioned throughout the day. i fall asleep considering how i should plan the next day to save money. i dont sleep for a while usually, my thoughts continually rest on images of people i dont and wont understand. this is the hardest fact of life ive come to realize here, and its one that everybody overseas is troubled with, i think.